3 Ways to Raise Strong Resilient Kids Even If It Is Unpopular

One of the most important things I’ve done, and continue to do, as a parent is work really hard to raise strong, resilient kids. I want my children to grow into contributing members of society. And because of that, I have a few opinions on how to do that. Some of them may not be popular.

Let me start by saying this. Parenting is hard. You constantly have to be “on.” Watching, guiding, anticipating. It takes patience, perseverance, and honestly, it’s exhausting.

My parenting shifted when I became a teacher. I transitioned into teaching after a career in business, when my oldest was nine months old. My first year, I taught middle school at a small charter school. I remember watching parents walk their middle schoolers in, put everything in their lockers, and make sure they had absolutely everything ready for them. Maybe it’s because I’m Gen X and was independent early on, but I was shocked at how much was being done for kids who were perfectly capable.

That experience, combined with everything I learned in teaching, changed how I wanted to parent.

Here are three things I saw work over and over again, both with thousands of high school students and with my own kids, who are well on their way to becoming contributing members of society.

#1 Let Your Kids Struggle

Struggle is not a bad thing.

I’m not talking about watching your child sit in misery with no support. I’m talking about encouraging them to try, even when it’s uncomfortable.

When my kids were little and learning to tie their shoes, I let them struggle through it. Yes, it took patience. Yes, we were often on our way somewhere. But the outcome mattered more than the extra five minutes.

They picked out their own outfits, even when they didn’t match. They climbed the playground ladder themselves. As they got older, I had them email teachers about incorrect grades. I had them call to make appointments. I had them order pizza. It was always age-appropriate, but I did not do it for them.

Would it have been easier for me to step in? Absolutely.

Would it have helped them build confidence in doing things for themselves? No.

A simple “You’ve got this” goes much further than solving it for them.

#2 Let Them See You Struggle

We often try to protect our kids from seeing our own hard moments. We want life to look smooth.

But kids learn more from what we do than what we say.

If they see you try hard things, step outside your comfort zone, admit when you don’t know something, and work through it anyway, that becomes normal to them.

You can model this in small ways. Look up a word you don’t know while reading. Try something new and say out loud, “This feels scary, but I’m going to do it anyway.” Be transparent about effort.

That example teaches more than lectures ever could.

This also applies to school. Encourage your child to take a class that challenges them, not just one that feels easy. Growth doesn’t happen in comfort.

#3 Make Learning Fun

As a former math teacher, I cringe when I hear parents say, “I was never good at math,” or “Math is hard.” Kids absorb that.

Love of learning can start very young.

You’re sitting at dinner with a three-year-old. Count the forks. Ask what happens if you take one away. You don’t need a 45-minute lesson. Just spark curiosity and move on.

Talk about new words. Define them. Make it playful. In our house, we always joked that if you use a big word, you have to know how to spell it.

Because I’m a math teacher, we naturally talked about variables, negative numbers, and patterns early. But you don’t need to be a math teacher to make learning part of everyday life.

Curiosity builds confidence.

Resilience doesn’t mean leaving them alone. It means knowing when to step back and when to step in.

Action to Take

This week, pause before solving a problem for your child.

Ask yourself, “Is this something they could figure out with a little struggle and some patience from me?”

If the answer is yes, let them try.

Give them space. Give them encouragement. Watch what happens to their confidence.