Top 5 Tips for Back to School

Kids are headed back to school. As a parent, I am always a bit sad and a bit glad when the routine gets back to "normal." We always want what's best for our kids. Sometimes we think that's making sure they never want for anything. Sometimes at the moment we see them struggle, we want to be there to help. It's such a hard line to figure out. How to make sure we are doing everything right, never faltering. But here's the thing, our kids don't want us to be perfect. They want us to be there for them. They want us to guide them, but they don't want us to do it for them. They love learning before we tell them they haven't learned the right way. They love making us proud.

So this school year, let them make you proud. Here are 5 things I learned teaching for over 15 years and raising (and still raising) my own kids to help kids have a successful school year.

Set them up for success

Give them an after-school routine that works for all of you. If they come home to you after school (whether or not you work from home or are a stay-at-home mom), or if they get home after you pick them up from after-school care, whatever it is: get them fed (sorry, I have kids whose brains stop working when they are hungry), and then figure out what they need to do for homework. Yeah, I'd love to say just put it off, but you know the later it gets, the more your kid is having fun doing something else and then totally doesn't want to stop. And then they are fighting it, you are fighting it, it's never a good thing. Just establish a routine and after the first few times moaning and groaning about having to work on homework right away, they will get over it. It's not your job to do their homework, but it's your job to set them up to be successful while doing it. Give them a routine and give them a good space to do it. This doesn't have to be perfect, just some pencils and a hard surface cleaned up for them will do.

Show them how to use a calendar

One thing kids don't get is that projects and tests take a bit longer than just spending the night before preparing, which is usually when they tell you, right before they head to bed. Get them a calendar for their room and put on it their practices, their lessons, when tests are, when projects are due. Ask them every day if there is something new they need to add to the list. And every day, take a look at it so you (and they) can feel a little less pressure to do things all in one night. If they have a big project, show them how to do a little bit each night so it doesn't become overwhelming (take it from me, as a former "tell my mom at 8pm I have a big project due the next day" kind of girl).

Have them prep their outfit and lunch the night before

Nobody likes the morning crazies. Especially kids who probably need more sleep than they are getting. Or if they are indecisive, or if they aren't organized yet. It's had to be different with every kid of mine. I had one kid who I just didn't want to fight with every day about what was ok to wear to school, so on Sundays we had it out and picked all 5 outfits for the week. My son, who's in 7th grade, never wants to, but I just have him pick it out the night before. I've learned from enough of the "I'll be fine in the morning to do it" to the not wanting to get out of bed and fighting getting ready to just pick the battle at night to make it a tad easier in the morning.

Let them own their grades

Have a conversation with them once a week and ask them to share their grades. Are they good with them? Does it make them feel like they are trying their best? Are they struggling with something? Let them take ownership, but guide them in what to do if they are disappointed. Set expectations, but let them take ownership. Yes, even when they are young. If they are struggling with a teacher, encourage them to go and talk to them and figure it out. Start this when they are younger, and it will pay dividends as they get older. I will tell you that not once did I have a student who was failing feel good about it. If I dug a little deeper into why they weren't doing well, it was never because they weren't smart (I'm the type that believes every kid is capable), but a lot of the time it was because they just didn't know how. It's our job to help them figure out how to be successful and own doing it. Don't spend your days watching their grades, give yourself a break, and let them take over the ownership.

Make them get involved (even if they don't want to)

I know not every kid loves school. And you don't love sending them to school unhappy either. One thing that helps is when your kid finds their connection to the school. They find their people. That could be through a sport, could be through theater, music, a club, whatever it is. When they feel connected to the school, it helps everything. We have a rule in our house that says you have to be involved in something in the fall and something in the spring. We have neurotypical and able-bodied kids and we require that they are in something active in the fall and in the spring. What the activity looks like for your kid is up to you. But I promise you the happiest kids I came across in school had their thing, no matter what it was.

I know raising kids isn't easy. It takes being "on" all.the.time. But it's oh so worth it when you see them become amazing adults who get to be someone you call your friend.

This week, think through one of these things and see how you can adapt it for your family. See if it helps. If it doesn't, abandon it. If it does, even better.